A Brief Conversation About Katie Holmes…

… in which she is compared to: Jason Bourne, Danny Ocean, Roger Bannister, Roger Federer, Ethan Hunt, Claire Stenwick, and a ninja.

Dr. Bluman: is it weird that this gawker story makes me like katie holmes?

Veronica P: She is absolutely killing it. Who knew she had it in her?

Veronica P: PS–why yes, in honor of her newly restored freedom i DID watch the old joey-pacey episodes of dawsons creek! Thank you for asking!

Dr. Bluman: Seriously, Katie Holmes.

Veronica P: Scientology thwarting ninja

Veronica P: they can’t touch her!

Veronica P: it’s incredible!

Dr. Bluman: like, are we watching a movie???? is she jason bourne?

Veronica P: it’s incredible

Veronica P: the degree to which she executed this escape is tremendous

Dr. Bluman: i want to find out everyone in her inner circle who has been helping her just so i can buy them a beer and congratulate them on a job well done

Veronica P: she should start a 501(c)(3)

Dr. Bluman: bc this is some Ocean’s 11 type planning come to fruition

Veronica P: i would donate to that

Veronica P: seriously. the fix is in.

Veronica P: she fixed it.

Veronica P: the whole thing

Dr. Bluman: what i wonder is, has this just salted the earth for Future Ex Mrs Tom Cruises?

Veronica P: now they know the exit routes?

Dr. Bluman: exactly

Dr. Bluman: like, is blake lively talking to her reps right now all, FINE, I’LL DO IT, but GET ME KATIE’S GO BAG

Dr. Bluman: is this basically the four-minute mile of hollywood marriages of convenience?

Dr. Bluman: my mind is kind of blown

Veronica P: plus she arranged it to coincide with a magazine cover and a guest appearance on project runway

Dr. Bluman: yeah

Veronica P: like, she got everything completely in place

Veronica P: she must have been planning this since at least the birth of Suri

Dr. Bluman: one would hope so

Veronica P: here we all thought she was this sad, manipulated little tweenstar

Veronica P: totally out of her depth and clinging to this, her only chance at lasting fame

Veronica P: and the whole time she had a getaway map, a jar of ether, 4 burner cell phones and a cyanide capsule

Veronica P: and a network of lawyers

Dr. Bluman: yeah, AND a video and docs stored in a safe deposit box somewhere

Dr. Bluman: you know, just in case.

Dr. Bluman: she is like the roger federer of Scientology escapology

Dr. Bluman: David Foster Wallace is looking down from the afterlife pissed that he’s not around to footnote the hell out of this

Veronica P: also we’re just starting to know the whole thing

Dr. Bluman: god i hope so

Veronica P: like, wait until 5 years from now

Veronica P: when he remarries and she doesn’t care at all

Veronica P: and starts to leak the stuff she stole from the MI5 set

Veronica P: in order to climb down the wall

Veronica P: MI3?

Veronica P: which one are they on?

Dr. Bluman: oh who can remember

Veronica P: all I’m saying is, I wouldnt be surprised if she and Suri climbed down, like, a garden wall with one of those little wall suction cup thingies that they’re always using to climb skyscrapers in action movies

Dr. Bluman: heeeee!

Dr. Bluman: totally

Dr. Bluman: OMG!

Dr. Bluman: she is the one who should have been cast as the julia roberts character in duplicity!

Dr. Bluman: this is what this is!

Dr. Bluman: in real life!

Veronica P: That is 100% correct

Veronica P: and, just like julia roberts and clive owen, she and tom cruise had no real sexual chemistry!

Dr. Bluman: ::highfive::

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