… in which she is compared to: Jason Bourne, Danny Ocean, Roger Bannister, Roger Federer, Ethan Hunt, Claire Stenwick, and a ninja.
Dr. Bluman: is it weird that this gawker story makes me like katie holmes?
Veronica P: She is absolutely killing it. Who knew she had it in her?
Veronica P: PS–why yes, in honor of her newly restored freedom i DID watch the old joey-pacey episodes of dawsons creek! Thank you for asking!
Dr. Bluman: Seriously, Katie Holmes.
Veronica P: Scientology thwarting ninja
Veronica P: they can’t touch her!
Veronica P: it’s incredible!
Dr. Bluman: like, are we watching a movie???? is she jason bourne?
Veronica P: it’s incredible
Veronica P: the degree to which she executed this escape is tremendous
Dr. Bluman: i want to find out everyone in her inner circle who has been helping her just so i can buy them a beer and congratulate them on a job well done
Veronica P: she should start a 501(c)(3)
Dr. Bluman: bc this is some Ocean’s 11 type planning come to fruition
Veronica P: i would donate to that
Veronica P: seriously. the fix is in.
Veronica P: she fixed it.
Veronica P: the whole thing
Dr. Bluman: what i wonder is, has this just salted the earth for Future Ex Mrs Tom Cruises?
Veronica P: now they know the exit routes?
Dr. Bluman: exactly
Dr. Bluman: like, is blake lively talking to her reps right now all, FINE, I’LL DO IT, but GET ME KATIE’S GO BAG
Dr. Bluman: is this basically the four-minute mile of hollywood marriages of convenience?
Dr. Bluman: my mind is kind of blown
Veronica P: plus she arranged it to coincide with a magazine cover and a guest appearance on project runway
Dr. Bluman: yeah
Veronica P: like, she got everything completely in place
Veronica P: she must have been planning this since at least the birth of Suri
Dr. Bluman: one would hope so
Veronica P: here we all thought she was this sad, manipulated little tweenstar
Veronica P: totally out of her depth and clinging to this, her only chance at lasting fame
Veronica P: and the whole time she had a getaway map, a jar of ether, 4 burner cell phones and a cyanide capsule
Veronica P: and a network of lawyers
Dr. Bluman: yeah, AND a video and docs stored in a safe deposit box somewhere
Dr. Bluman: you know, just in case.
Dr. Bluman: she is like the roger federer of Scientology escapology
Dr. Bluman: David Foster Wallace is looking down from the afterlife pissed that he’s not around to footnote the hell out of this
Veronica P: also we’re just starting to know the whole thing
Dr. Bluman: god i hope so
Veronica P: like, wait until 5 years from now
Veronica P: when he remarries and she doesn’t care at all
Veronica P: and starts to leak the stuff she stole from the MI5 set
Veronica P: in order to climb down the wall
Veronica P: MI3?
Veronica P: which one are they on?
Dr. Bluman: oh who can remember
Veronica P: all I’m saying is, I wouldnt be surprised if she and Suri climbed down, like, a garden wall with one of those little wall suction cup thingies that they’re always using to climb skyscrapers in action movies
Dr. Bluman: heeeee!
Dr. Bluman: totally
Dr. Bluman: OMG!
Dr. Bluman: she is the one who should have been cast as the julia roberts character in duplicity!
Dr. Bluman: this is what this is!
Dr. Bluman: in real life!
Veronica P: That is 100% correct
Veronica P: and, just like julia roberts and clive owen, she and tom cruise had no real sexual chemistry!
Dr. Bluman: ::highfive::